Slow Posting

We would like to apologise for the lack of articles that may occur over study leave. The exams are piling on and as a result of this, we will not be able to post articles at the epic rate that we have been of late.

Good luck with your exams.

We will be back to our sexy best very soon!

Talking TV - 03

...Nauseatingly needless,

...Critically crunching,

...An arrogant analysis

(right...that's enough, ^suggestions on a postcard please)

• It's come to my attention my last two blarticles (yes I went there, blog+article) have been rather rantastic (rant +fanta...you got it) thus swaying my thoughts to write something a bit more positive. I thought I'd give it a go. A problems occurs when I start to think of things on television that I actually enjoy, but none the less I decided on two.

Drama : THE WIRE

The Wire is an American drama series which revolves around the city, culture and people of Baltimore. The series was written and produced by a former Baltimore pollice officer, David Simon. To say this is a just another police drama is a stonking under-statement, The Wire is the best thing to come out of American television in my lifetime, topped only by DEADWOOD. I have a theory about this, being that some of the big roles such as the part of Jimmy McNaulty, a witty Irish-American detective, or Stringer Bell, intelligent buisness man who happens to be the brains behind the biggest drug gang in Baltimore are both played by British actors, Dominic West and Idris Elba respectfully. The vast cast and shocking realism of The Wire fully initiates the viewer into the story, I bought the season 1 boxset and ploughed through the 13 hour exstravaganza in a few very very late nights. I cannot stress enough the genius of The Wire, if guns, swearing, witty one-liners, complex plot lines and memorable characters are something you are craving from your telebox then switch off Britain Has Got Alot of Idoits or whatever it's called, and march yourself to somewhere you can purchase The Wire, crack out the red bull, stay up until you can hear your alarm going off in your room and do no revision. Alternatively the first season of The Wire is starting/started on BBC 2. The only reason The Wire hasn't been giving it's just amount of praise is down to the fact the majorirty of the cast are black, a great disgrace against the production of fantastic television.

I wonder if the size of image I use will be interperated as how strongly I recomend The Wire, let's see.

Comedy : FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS

Unlike The Wire I feel I don't need to encourage the addition of Flight of The Conchords to reader's "Favourite TV Shows" section on their undoubtly existing facebook profiles as much . It basically comes down to two factors, do you like the dead-pan brilliance of Peep Show? Do you like the awkward musical numbers in The Mighty Boosh? if you answered "yes" to both of these questions then Flight of The Conchords it's most certainly for you. The show itself is written so very well, the timing and on screen presence of Bret McKenzie and Jermaine Clement is truely spectacular and in my opinion is everything I enjoy from The Mighty Boosh without the pretentious overtones. If unsure about this show, get on youtube and watch some of their live stuff, it's to be marvelled at. it'll make you love New Zealand. Fact.

GET ON MY TELEBOX!

• Total Wipeout US and UK - People falling over, but glad to just be on the telebox, brilliant, keep the cretins coming is what I say.
  

• Compare The Meerkat - Whoever came up with this needs to be given a medal, the MERE manipulation of language is just so admirable, as for the 3D meerkat...words cannot describe it, well they can. but I'm tired now.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel a bit sick from all the positivity in this blarticle (the more you read it the more you love it, right? right.) so I'm drawing it to a close, see you next week, where I will be discusing MP's Expenses and the EU.




not really. relax.

The Plastic Seat Company Take Their Talents To The Streets

As many of you know, here at The New Wave we love new talent. We've introduced you all to up and coming bands like Ascari and Oceans Between Us, and now one of my personal favourites, The Plastic Seat Company, have caught my eye once again with their live street performance.

The welsh based comedy group are always looking for weird and wacky ways to grab the public's attention and the latest attempt can only be described as 'genius'. The location? Cardiff. The purpose? To disturb! Here it is, enjoy!

Hope that tickled your funny button as much as it did mine! Remember, The New Wave is the only place you can view 100% raw talent!

Blood, Guts and Little Girls - Its F.E.A.R 2

Little Girls are officially much scarier than anything. I never played the first F.E.A.R or F.E.A.R Files but I was very aware of the main antagonist, namely Alma. A creepy little girl who is very much like the girl from the movie The Ring. I was also very worried when I found out that the developers that made F.E.A.R 2 also made the Condemned games. I was already scared I hadn't even put the disc in the tray.



F.E.A.R 2 is a First Person Shooter that revolves around Sgt. Michael Becket, a Soldier in the First Encounter Assault Recon (F.E.A.R) Squad who is sent in to arrest a woman named Genivive Artiside, who is responsible for something called Project Harbinger. Harbinger is a programme involving turning soldiers in puppets who are controlled telepathically from a Psychic Commando (intense stuff ain't it?). Anyway, you play the guy who didn't get all mentally messed up by getting exposed to all the psychosis stuff whereas all your pals freaked out and couldn't take it. Now I didn't fully understand the story, so I'm probably going to have to Wikipedia it and find out what happened in the first game but until then I'll put it as simply I as I think I can: This psycho woman Alma is hunting you down because you're a threat to her, you have to get to this device to "amplify your brainwaves and cause her's to overload". Now that's the story taken care of, I can tell you what I thought.



F.E.A.R 2 is pretty good shoot 'em up fun. Progressively getting harder, enemies getting tougher, more powerful weapons becoming available etc. The story is a bit hard to follow but I think it would make more sense if you played the first game (I didn't as I was put off by the Achievements). There is a very spooky, dark atmosphere about the game, even outside in the lighter areas you still walk around corners cautiously with your gun at the ready. A lack of music when playing really helps the tension as every little sound makes you turn around behind you to make sure "she" isn't there. A nice touch is that you can carry 4 weapons of any power e.g. You could have a Flamethrower, Rocket Launcher, Assault Rifle and a Sniper, and 4 Grenade Types, so explosive fun times. You even get to roam around in a mini Mech Suit, Transformers Style, and blow things and no Mo Fo can stop you. Every boy's dream. You also enter a Bullet Time Slow Motion mode and take out loads of enemies quick as a flash without getting hit but it is limited (obviously).



It's a pretty solid campaign with 14 Missions of pure ruin ur boxers moments, intense gunfights and general FPS fun. I think the horrible thing is that there are small moments, where bodies get dragged into a room and then disappear or a light falls down from the ceiling. Nothing threatening happens but you know something sooner or later is going hit you.

All in all, I would recommend this game. As long as you don't mind creepy.....creepy little girls.

Where Is Our Arena !?!

In December 2007, plans to build a 10,000-seat arena in Bristol were sadly abandoned. The reasons for this injustice were that the ever growing costs to develop an arena in the area could not be fully justified if publicly funded. At the time of abandonment the predicted costs for development were roughly reaching the £86 million marker, which I will agree is slightly more than a weeks pocket money!

However, I know I am not alone when I say that an arena is EXACTLY what Bristol needs! It would be an understatement if I said that having to travel to Cardiff or London to see any "mainstream" bands like Escape The Fate, Fall Out Boy or any other band. Only naive, money short bands dare perform at the, less than glamorous O2 Academy (formerly Carling Academy). Largely due to the stench of stale beer and the overwhelming scent of sweat, we have been very lucky to see the likes of Angels and Airwaves, Lilly Allen and MGMT perform at the Bristol Academy.

Sadly there seems to be no chance of a venue to be proud of being built within Bristol anytime soon due to the millions that were emptied into the construction and development of Cabot Circus.

Artist's impression of proposed structure

Obviously what Bristol has needed this whole time is two shopping centres and not an arena....obviously!

What Happened to Normal Cartoons?

Now I'm not as good a conisseur of cartoons as I used to be, but I have several younger brothers and sisters that, when looking after them, I watch the cartoons and stuff with them. As I sit there staring at Dora the Explorer who is teaching kids Spanish before they speak English, I couldn't help thinking, why can't they just watch cartoons? They're kids for fuck sake! Let them just watch a cat chasing a mouse through a house while a rather large, faceless black housewife shouts at "Thomas!" (which now thinking back to it, was quite racist).

Sadly, my brothers have fallen victim to one of the most annoying and draining epidemics on Television, no, not Goldenballs, its the poor standard of programming on the Disney Channel. Good. Lord. Is there no cheesier form of programming in the history of human kind? The Suite Life of Zac and Cody, Camp Rock, Sleepover Club. These children don't deserve this kind of torture. No one does. I enjoyed my childhood viewing. Johnny Bravo, the inappropriate blonde haired "Ladies Man", Ed, Edd and Eddy, three guys who did anything for money and jawbreakers...and the piece de resistance, Wacky Racers!

There were a few cartoons and shows I didn't like as a kid but I just used to watch it because it made me laugh. I don't want to learn all the state capitals and sing along to songs about Brazil, learning, was for school! That was the purpose of school. With the shows of today, kids will be taught from Home by Diego and Mickey Mouse. I just wanted a show about a boy who had a secret laboratory behind his bookcase. Is it too much to ask?

Bring back the good cartoons - Dexter's Laboratory, Wacky Racers, Secret Agent Squirrel, Ed, Edd and Eddy, Top Cat and of course, Hong Kong Phooey, who may I add is the Number One, Super Guy.

Like a Broken Piece of Record, I'll Repeat All of My Plea......

In need of awesome lyrics, catchy guitar riffs, all of which wrapped up in a bundle of cool? Then look no further than the outstanding 'Racing Kites'!

These guys have graced my iPod for no longer than a few months now and they have shot right up my play count and are now up there with the likes of Angels and Airwaves, You Me At Six and Metallica. To call Racing Kites talented is an understatement of epic proportion!

Their long-standing friendship and self stated passion for music is what fuses this band together to craft a mix of rock, pop and punk. The 5-piece rock band from New Jersey never fail to brighten my day and put a smile across my face!

Their debut album 'We Hold It All Together' was released in 2006 and became an instant classic, with awesome songs such as 'Hands Against The Sky' and 'Restless' I struggle to take the band off repeat. The album also includes ear rocking songs such as 'Is This Love', 'Dreamers And Believers' and 'Your Favourite Last Night Song'.

2008 saw the release of the band's second album, 'Be My Runaway', and it seemed that the guys from New Jersey had created another epic piece of musical craftsmanship. The second album found a way to be even more cool than the first one. Not an easy task! The most outstanding songs being 'All Night Is Alright' and 'My Everything', both of which make it hard for me to even begin to think about listening to anything else. I'd feel like I'm cheating on my beloved Racing Kites!

These guys are the ambassadors of all that is awesome and you'd be a fool not to give your ears a treat and check them out.

Click HERE to experience truly great music!

Talking TV - 02

...An analytical asskicking,

...A sarcastic suckerpunch,

...An apathetic......whatever...


(right...that's enough.)

I've gotta keep it short this week, recession buget cutbacks... wait, what do you mean next week I'll have to scribe my blog into a slab of stone with a toothpick?

Huh?

This week I'm just gonna share some opinions that I have, they're my opinions...opinions.

GET OFF MY TELEBOX!

• Sports commentators - "He's litterally on fire!" - No he's not you idiot. My brain has litterally exploded from listening to sports commentators just babble out a load of non-sense over and over. It's not just football commentators either, rugby, mountain biking and even table tennis too. (I've been doing my homework, scanning through all 999 of Sky's channels looking for the ridiculant) There's got to be an end to the exageration! I propose we make a facebook group called "IF 1M PEOPLE JOIN I WILL SHOOT JOHN MOTSON!". If you have noticed the use of hypocrisy for comic effect in this paragraph, then well done you...*sigh*
  

• Two and a Half Men - Not funny and never will be, the writing makes me want to tear my ears out and the acting is cringe-worthy. At first the show had some potential, maybe, but after a season or two, a womaniser, a loser and a fat kid living together, the jokes just ran dry. To the writers of Two and a Half men: you're spent. Glad that's sorted.
  

• Adverts for car/house/pet/life insurance using charming acoustic songs dripping with folky melodies. I hate you. you make me look forward to your adverts you evil advert boffins! I have not the energy to go find examples on youtube but you know the ones I mean. Lloyds TSB started it with this THIS.
  

and finally...

Jasper Carrott, you ABSOLUTE CRETIN, get off my telebox!

Just thought I'd leave a little gap to let that settle in... Brilliant. Until next Tuesday evening/Wednesday morning, bye.

Liverpool's Back Four Concern

Although their name gets thrown in to the Premier League Title Race Raffle every year, they always seem to be the outside option, they're either not consistent enough, have some wretched injuries or just end up having plain bad luck. I am refering to Liverpool of course.



Despite their potent strike force, solid midfield and probably the best captain (and possibly some would argue best player in the Premiership) behind them, they have still never been able to get their hands on the one trophy that all Liverpool fans, players and coaching staff all want: The Title. I think this may be due to the fact that they do not have a solid back four. Granted they do have Jamie Carragher, a player who is as good as his voice is annoying, and Martin Skirtel, a man who looks like he has escaped from a Romanian jail, they don't play together on a regular basis. You could pin this lack of partnership on Rafael Benitez, who enjoys swapping his team around and keeping things fresh but I don't believe it does any good for the defenders as understanding and experience of playing together, game in game out, is the only way for defenders to gel together.



Hopefully after all the boardroom disputes have been settled and everything has become calm behind the scenes at Anfield, Benitez will be able to take a good long look at his team and assess the strengths and weaknesses. I think their midfield is solid, Gerrard can and would play pretty much anywhere on the pitch as long as he gets to wear a Liverpool jersey, Riera and Babel offer width and pace to the team down the wings and Torres can take care of things in the box with Kuyt chipping in with a few goals here and there. I just think Carragher needs a solid partner, maybe Phillip Mexes from AS Roma or Rafael Marquez from Barcelona. Arebola and Aureillio seem to lack the quality needed for a such a big club, meeting the criteria of a squad player but not a first teamer.



Hopefully I haven't been to harsh on the red half of Merseyside. Yes I am a Man Utd fan and yes I do hate them but there's no denying they are a very good team and could beat anyone on their day. I hate them but I respect them.

A Dose of Reality

Britain's Got Talent, Britain's Got More Talent, X-Factor, American Idol, Big Brother, I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! Where the hell has all the decent TV gone?

When I tune in, I usually stick to the same channels and watch more or less the same type of shows. I mostly watch American sitcoms and Sky Sports, watching Manchester United wining and Liverpool losing, or coming home early at 12.10 and catching Scrubs, which has provided me with many hilarious quotes to exchange with my fellow blogger and good friend, Sam Cook. I'm love laughing and reflect that in my shows, Flight of the Conchords, Family Guy, Only Fools and Horses but NOT King of Queens. However, reality shows have become like a television Starbucks, they're everywhere and taking out the smaller shows as they conquerer our screens.

Britain's Got Talent is a showcase for all the weirdos in Britain to come crawling out of their mother's basements, and either doing some shitty magic act or dressing up as woman and singing "I Will Survive" (Damn Gloria Gaynor). To be honest, I have no idea why grown men would choose Lilly Savage or Edna Everage as a role model. I will hold my hands up and say I watch The X-Factor in the opening stages where all the crap and disillusioned people make asses of themselves, because it's painfully funny. Watching a middle class 18 year old Birmingham single mother with nine kids telling Simon Cowell she'll be the next Mariah Carey just tickles my pickle...

Im a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! annoys the shiz out of me. Reason One: The title of the show is false advertising by using the word "celebrity". I guarantee you, your mother or father (if you are below 17/18) will say "Oh I remember her! She slept with some guy from Grange Hill" or "Yeah didn't he used to be the ugly guy in East 17?" or something along those lines.

I can handle watching Soaps like Hollyoaks or Eastenders (Phil's an alcoholic. Again!) but mainly because it gives verbal ammunition when chatting to girls. I would enjoy the abolishment of these shows, having them replaced with something - anything. I just think the TV writers have given up and companies have found a way to exploit the idiots of the country whilst people at home phone in and give money to ITV and the like, effectively saying "I wish to see more of these idiots. I would like more idiots of this calibre please, quench my idiot thirst".

My message as TV Messiah is simple: Watch Scrubs, Two and a Half Men and Gillette Soccer Saturday!

Barton: Enough is Enough

The football week just gone was a positive one for myself as a Manchester United fan, we took another step towards the Premiership Title and gave ourselves an advantage in our Champions League 2nd Leg tie against Arsenal this week. Unfortunately Liverpool also triumphed over Newcastle, sending a much loved Northern team closer to the Coca Cola Championship.

However, although that game for Liverpool fans would have left smiles on their faces regarding the win, I would imagine they would be rather concerned and annoyed at Joey Barton, who maliciously took down Xabi Alonso, who was consequently stretchered off. Many pundits and fans alike praise Barton's ability as a footballer, which I too would agree with, he is a talented football player. However, I believe that he should stop be giving chances by the FA and be banned from football.

Well ok, maybe not banned for life but I think the FA should certainly just stop handing out these temporary bans, slaps on the wrist and feather across the knuckles. Barton has made several contentious tackles and outbursts in the past and has been given the same punishment over and over again. I think the FA need to take much more serious action about calming down this ex-convict and putting him in his place and let him know he can't just brake people's legs left, right and centre!

Even though I am a Man Utd fan and obviously have much higher than average hatred of Liverpool FC, I never like to see a footballer get badly injured. I felt queezy at the sight of Eduaro's leg getting violated and today was another "look-away" moment when Alonso was mauled by Barton. I know some Newcastle fans may come back with "Sam, you can't say Barton should be banned when Roy Keane was a much dirtier player". Well, to them I say, there's a difference. Keane was good. Roy Keane has also never spent time behind bars and provided hours of footballing entertainment.

Joey Barton is nothing but a mere spoilt little boy who, whenever he gets frustrated and his team starts losing, loses his rag and lashes out at footballers with some actual talent and skill. One things for sure: Boys got issues....