Ranting and Review

Getcha Freak On

Sensing lack of movie reviews on this blog, (which may I add are a fetish of mine), I decided that I’d go ahead and knock together one for you. I figured the most sensible thing to do would be to review the last film I watched which was X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I guess it’s a good thing that I have a lot to say about this movie then, isn’t it? So this is my first blog and movie review, spliced with a lot of nerd ranting a long the way. Enjoy.



Stepping back and attempting to analyse it from an entirely ‘non-comic book geek’ point of view, I can point out both the good and bad. The film in itself was well constructed with impressive special effects. The acting was better than passable and the script was well written. I found the storyline to be highly predictable, bar perhaps the ending (which was like WHOA, WTF DUDE, NOT EXPECTING THAT). One thing that narked me off a little as a viewer was the scene in with the actual ‘dead pool’ where they meld the ‘adamantium’ to Wolverine’s skeleton. Yes, movies are bound to have hiccups, but when I watched all the other X-Men films and we saw the shattered memories that Logan still had of the laboratory, I imaged some gritty, secretive underground place where illegal and gruesome experiments happen. They had clips of him looking at his new claws, mortified, with blood all over his hands. The tank water was green and the tank was dirty looking. It makes you ponder how the bloody hell he ended up there and made me really feel for him as a character. A shiny lab where a minutes worth of, admittedly unimaginable, pain was inflicted to avenge :Spoilers: the death of a girlfriend he’d known five minutes, makes me think: Oh. Okay then.

Jumping into nerd mode as a gal who loves her comic books; THIS IS ALL WRONG. I’m a huge fan of the X-Men films andf I’ll be the first to say that I’m not a big fan of Wolverine. I just never took to him. I do, however, freaking obsess over Deadpool (the character, not the tank thing). I knew I was going to watch the film anyhoodles because I like the X-Men films, but when I found out that Deadpool aka Wade Wilson was in it and being played by Ryan Reynolds, I made a noise somewhere between a cough and a gasp, then proceeded to fall off of my chair. Not only is Ryan the hottest human being in the whole of, like, earth, but his comedic talent, wit and superb improvisational skills share a direct parallel with Deadpool’s. No one else could play him. Yes, yes, he was played superbly. Ryan nailed the part and really captured the essence of Wade, Kat was impressed, blahdeblahdeblah. BUT HE WAS IN IT FOR ALL OF ABOUT 8 SECONDS. I watched the entirety of the film waiting for him to pop up somewhere again and did he? Yes. :Spoilers: Right at the end of the bloody film, replaced by a body double with laser eyes, the ability to teleport and with his mouth removed. Yeah, alright then. Its not like his nickname in the comics was Merc with the Mouth or anything and now he’s even had that taken away from him. He wasn’t nearly as deformed as he should have been, the guy was supposed to be riddled with cancer and tumours. The reason he ended up so powerful was cancer treatment gone-wrong. AND WHERE WAS THE BREAKING OF THE FORTH-WALL?! I won’t go into anymore detail then I have about him, or you’ll stop reading (if you haven’t already) but the effing up of Deadpool left me one severely pissed off little dork. Although him popping up LIKE THAT at the end was probably one of the only unpredictable bits in the whole of the film. I was NOT expecting that.

Not only did they bastardize Deadpool but they demolished Emma Frost’s character (that one who turns to diamond). Not only is she supposed to be a villain, she’s supposed to look like an absolute slut. Imagine if Paris Hilton we’re a blow up doll, with bigger boobs and wearing nothing but lingerie. You’d think that the media would jump at the chance of exploiting hot, half naked women.

In all fairness, I like what they did with the character of Gambit. I not sure what the other fans will think but I thought they made him passably like his character from the comics and undeniably cool. All his powers were the same, he looked similar, had the right accent and there was a lovely fight scene between him and Wolverine.

If I were to give a percentage out of ten for this film, it would probably be a five. Perhaps a six if I’m feeling generous, for lack of accuracy and serious predictability. The marks are for the enjoyment factor and special effects. It was entertaining I guess, I didn’t get horribly bored at any point and it’s a half decent spin off of the X-Men films. It would probably work better as a movie if it had nothing to do with the comics and stood alone as a film. The Deadpool fangirl in me is going to have to wait a couple of years for it, but it has been announced that a Deadpool film is being made for 2011/12 and Ryan is playing him! EXCITEMENT! Apparently its going to be absolutely accurate, complete with deformities and fourth-wall breaking HURRAH!!…

…I should have been born a boy. Probably as Sheldon from the Big-Bang Theory, proceeding re-reading this article.

Hope you enjoyed my review, now go do something constructive. I’m in the mood for some comic reading after all this. I’m off to go read my ‘Issue #19 of the Deadpool series’ which has just arrived this morning courtesy of eBay. Gosh, I’m such a nerd.

'LOVE' Trailer Revealed

For many months forum-lovers have been debating and arguing their theories and thoughts about the Angels And Airwaves film, 'LOVE', but now we finally have a trailer for next year's Valentines day treat.

The film is about an astronaut's battle to save himself when left stranded alone in orbit as his life support systems begin to fade away, as does his sanity. Lee Miller's world within the International Space Station becomes one of extreme loneliness and claustrophobia until he makes a strange discovery aboard the ship. LOVE is driven by the powerful music of Angels And Airwaves and expresses man's need for connection and the overwhelming power of hope and belief.

The film is due to be released on Valentines day 2010 and will coincide with the release of their third album, also titled LOVE. After the immense success of the band's two previous albums, We Don't Need To Whisper and I-Empire, LOVE is one of the most anticipated albums of 2010.

So for all of you who are shaking with anticipation, here it is .... LOVE

ODST: Original Dynasty or Shockingly Terrible?

Your alone. In the dead of night. Stuck in a city you've never set foot in before and the things around you want to rip you limb from limb. No not Manchester, its the city of New Mombasa which is where the event of Bungie's latest installment in the Halo saga, Halo 3: ODST takes place. Taking place somewhere between the events of Halos 2 and 3, ODST puts you in control of a rookie Orbital Drop Shock Trooper named (wait for it).......Rookie. Alright, so we never really find out his name or see his face, but he still looks pretty cool and is a nice break from playing the same old Spartan Master Chief, however cool Sierra 117 may be.

After a botched deployment, you as the rookie are separated from the rest of your squadron and wake up 6 hours later, emerging into the city at night and have to search for them. This night time scenario serves as a type of hub, and depends on you finding various objects at certain locations, maybe a broken sniper rifle or destroyed gauss cannon, after which u flashback to how the object ended up there, jumping back in time a few hours and taking the role of each of your squad members. The focus on story-telling in this edition is dynamic, clever and original, breaking away from the traditional linear story line plots of most FPSs. Even though the docile environment of the night may seem like you have missed all the action, the flashback roles of your squad that take place during the day are full of fast paced action and shooting. It can range from steering a Scorpion tank through the narrow roads and streets, flying a Banshee in and around the skyscrapers to fighting your way to your ship 100 billion feet off the ground (the numbers may need to be checked). Whatever the situation, Bungie seem to have covered all their bases and in all fairness they've done it quite well.

The inclusion of the new Firefight mode, a mode similar to the Horde in Gears of War 2, sees you try to survive waves and waves of Covenant forces who will attempt to plasma your shields, sticky grenade your face and Gravity Hammer your unmentionables. This mode (like Horde) is not just that you get more and more Grunts running at you. For starters, the infamous skulls of the Halo universe are turned on, with more activating after each round is finished, each round consisting of 5 waves and each Set consisting of 3 rounds. So to recap, 5 Waves = 1 Round - 3 Rounds = 1 Set. Each wave within the round gets progressively harder, with Wave 1 consisting of grunts and jackals, with the final waves containing Hammer and Fuel Rod Brutes as well as everyone's most hated party guest, Hunters. This mode is obviously designed to replace the missing multiplayer matchmaking, that instead taken care of by the addition of the 2nd disc which includes every single map to date as well as the unreleased half of the Mythic Maps. Designed to be taken on by you and 3 friends will obviously be much better and 20 times more enjoyable than you having to make a stand all by yourself with nothing but a Plasma Pistol.

All in all, this is a tidy little game. The campaign is a decent amount of fun, albeit much shorter than the other Halo campaigns, but still good enough to keep people interested. 30 pounds for 2 discs worth of Halo is a neat price but if you have Halo 3 and also purchased the DLC multiplayer bundles, you're kind of paying for it again, which will put many people off. But if your a Halo fan, you will probably add this to your collection.

A Happy Return To Moscow! Next Stop, Liverpool ...

The early kick-off last night in the Champions League group stages saw Manchester United return to the very same stadium they experienced Champions League glory in a nail biting penalty shoot out against Chelsea, two seasons back. Winning 1-0 against CSKA Moscow to put them 5 points ahead of second in the group and it also saw United equal Ajax's long standing away record, remaining undefeated in 14 consecutive Champions League away fixtures.

It was a match very much restricted by the artificial turf, with both sides opting to play short passes with and not taking any risks. The narrowness of the CSKA formation allowed a lot of room for Nani and Fabio to exploit down the left hand side. It was a traditional Manchester United away performance in Europe, very patient, lots of possesion and in the end just one goal separated the two sides with Berbatov's flick-on finding new-boy Valencia at the far post to strike the ball past CSKA captain, Igor Akinfeev.

A strong performance by United but now the attention focuses on Sunday's fixture against a Liverpool side who are still shaky after a late 2-1 loss to Lyon and a controversial wonder-strike by a beach ball. Liverpool owner George Gillett has today come out and stated that Rafa has their full support and backing, but a loss on Sunday would leave the Merseyside team 10 points behind the champions and surely out of the title race.

United seem to have adapted to life without Ballon D'or winner Cristiano Ronaldo and Carlos Tevez, however it doesn't look like Liverpool can even cope without Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres, let alone adapt!

The Top 5 Guitar Hero Games

If your torn between which game you should rock your socks off to, allow me to lend some help. What with the recent arrival of Guitar Hero 5 and The Beatles: Rock Band, it seems that many people are rushing out to buy the latest installments when actually, you could probably get an older, better and cheaper game with much better songs on it. I shall tell you (in my opinion) which are the top five Guitar Hero games to buy, allowing you to drum, sing and strum yourself silly. Let us begin at the beginning (great place to begin)...

1. Guitar Hero Metallica

Dear lord there has never been more an intense shredding session than GH Metallica! One of the best and most intense bands of the 20th century has a whole setlist devoted to their greatness! I have chosen this first as I think it is the most fun and has some of my favourite songs on it. Getting to play things like Fade to Black, Fight Fire with Fire, Wherever I May Roam, Mercyful Fate and Fuel makes my fingers orgasm with delight. Activision has paid great homage to the band, with incredible likeness and detail going into everything from Lar's drumsticks to Rob's qudad ponytails, which they failed to do back in Guitar Hero: Aerosmith, with Lars giving his sly smirks, James being intensly central and interacting with the crowd and Rob and Kirk just being immense. This is only for the hardcore expert player or a true Metallica fan, as playing on Medium is slightly bittersweet in my view as you can play the song but know your missing probably half the notes out. Not only does this game feature the gods of metal but it also features bands that have either inspired or been inspired by Metallica, such bands as Queen, Mastadon, Machine Head, System of a Down and Bob Seger. This game probably won't be for everyone, but in my view is the best GH game Activision have made.

2. Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock

This was the first ever GH game I owned, the one that sparked my love affair with the 5 coloured buttons. This game is a great mix of difficulties, varied songs and has unlimited playability. There's something in there for everyone, from the chillaxed Indie fan (When You Were Young by The Killers, Reptilia by The Strokes and Helicopter by Bloc Party), to the old school rock and roll people (Cities on Flame by Blue Oyster Cult, Rock and Roll All Night by KISS and Rock You Like a Hurricane by The Scorpions) to the intense metal heads (tracks like One by Metallica, Raining Blood by Slayer and Before I Forget by Slipknot). This game has all the necessary ingredients to keep every type of Guitar Hero happy. The achievements aren't bad either, and also has the best and easiest hit system to date, not to mention DLC packs like DragonForce, Muse and Velvet Revolver.

3. Guitar Hero World Tour

This isn't really one of my favourites but I think it would suit most people as the songs are the most varied mix. Very different music types all blended into one setlist and plus this was the first introduction of all instruments in a Guitar Hero game (Rock Band's Rock in a Box being the first). Not many songs keep me happy on that game so I'm found to be playing Assassin by Muse, Trapped Under Ice by Metallica and Pull Me Under by Dream Theater over and over, but would recommend this for most people as this is slightly less intense and easier to pick up and play than GH3: LoR. The size of the setlist is huge compared to the previous installments, and the range of online modes is a nice change of pace from the usual Face-off, Pro Face-off and Co-op modes, with the introduction of new instruments allowing each song to have 3 seperate note tracks and allowing veteran players to get to grips with guitar, drums and vocals.

4. Guitar Hero 5

The latest installment is probably a decent buy, with 85 songs by 83 artists showing that Activision is really casting its net to the far corners of society to capture anyone and everyone it can. Music ranging from Bob Dylan to Arctic Monkeys and Blink 182 sounds like a good idea on paper with the company trying to please everyone, but the lack of focus here is a let down for me. However, the simplicity of the game makes it very user friendly, even for people who are over 40 and have a phobia of the joypad. There is just one big main menu, with the confusing to navigate mini menus that littered the previous titles being removed and the game being revamped to make it more appealing to newcomers without offending the hardcores. The drop in drop out play is a welcome feature, with your friends able to just join in, pick and instrument and jump right in with you. The tedious procedure of playing the early, easy and somewhat mundance songs in career mode has been eliminated and the career is now based on how many stars you can earn, allowing you to have alot more control and overall, fun. The in-song and band challenges will keep the addicts and completionists coming back for more. Overall I would this is a safe option as your first buy, but wouldn't being up 'til 3am on ebay outbidding some guy from poland to get it

5. Guitar Hero II

This is very old school, and so it obviously does has its flaws but you can tell that Activision, Harmonix and RedOctane had real bash and putting together this title. The hit system is very difficult to nail, as a slight mistime of a hammer on can shoot your note streak straight out of the sky, also it is very hard to differentiate between what is a normal note and what is a hammer-on/pull-off due to the poor and sketchy visuals but I suppose that is not what the game is about, it's about rocking. This has a decent mix of songs, both challenging and fun. The major downside is that the tracks you play aren't the master versions, so they will be the re-recorded versions that the companies themselves have done. This doesnt really affect the guitar track but vocal differences is blatantly obvious (listen to the version of Sweet Child O Mine and you'll see). The lack of online co-op really hurts the game, with your friends who own the game not being able to play with you online is real smack in the nether regions. However, when all is said and done, what matters on these games is the music and this game (considering when it was made) is a real gem, plus it has the best working guitar they've made so far.

Well I hope these concise and, fairly arrousing paragraphs, helped u in any decision making you have to do, or it may have been some non-sensical and intoxicated ramblings of a man with far too much time to spare but nonetheless, it was a pleasure.

England Failing To Impress

The entire nation had high hopes for England succeeding in the one day series with Australia after their inspirational Ashes victory. We were putting aside the fact that England are notoriously disappointing when it comes to the one day form of the game because we had the momentum.

'Momentum' was the key word in the build up to this post-Ashes series. However as the England team are proving, momentum can't make up for a severe lack of quality within the team.

The one series series started off poorly with both Twenty-twenty games being completely rained off, bar the Australian innings in the first match, but the 50 overs matches was when the real action began and England were going to "send the Aussies back empty handed" according to many fans. But we are still yet to see any 'action' from this specialist England side!

The batting line-up continues to look fragile without Kevin Pieterson with the likes of Ravi Bopara and Owais Shah still not producing the big innings' required from them at this level and the most experience batsman there, Paul Collingwood, doesn't seem capable of hitting it off the square!

I don't think anyone was expecting a fantastic performance from England, due to their poor history in the one day game, but I think we were all expecting a bit more fight and passion coming from this Ashes winning side. The series isn't finished so there is still a chance of saving some dignity, but the fact is that England's performances as of yet have been much like the English summer, disappointing.

We're Back!

Smell that? It's the scent of top quality journalism!

Over the summer holidays, we spent every waking moment thinking of how we can make The New Wave an even bigger success after our great first year, and we came up with ..... Well, nothing really!

But never fear! We are back and it won't be long until our journalistic-meat is making love to your screens once again!

DLC = We're Not Made of Money

Just before I begin to properly write this, I should let you know I own an Xbox 360 and have done for 5 years (and I'm happy with my choice) so I'm going to be writing this from a Microsoft point of view. I won't exclude any PS3 owners who read this and I won't "diss" you or your console, I'm just letting you know which side of the fence I'm on.

This is a post to all the hardcore, proper old-school gamers out there, people who actually work the behinds off to get Achievements and/or Trophies. Over the years, games have, on the whole, been either retail 1000 Gamerscore or have an additional 1250G to get. However, over the last year or so, Downloadable Content has just become ridiculous. Game scores going up to random and ridiculous numbers - Fallout 3 = 1450 (so far!) - Gears of War 2 = 1425 (so far!) - Halo 3 = 1750 - Its pandemonium I tell you!

I didn't have a problem with DLC to begin with, I actually quite welcomed the idea. Developers had a good idea after the game had been released which they wanted to incorporate and so released it as DLC a few months after the release for the fee of 800 Microsoft Points, even a few extra achievements to go with it. Now however, instead of thinking of ideas after the game has come out, developers try to think of DLC beforehand, ready to charge people extra before the game itself has even come out - DLC is announced before the f******* retail game is even on the shelves!

There are some DLC packs worth paying for e.g. pretty much all of Fallout 3's packs (which I think is one of the best games ever made and doesn't always get the respect it deserves, people escape the Vault and give up) Point Lookout in the Swamps with Inbreds, Broken Steel changing the ending to the game completely, The Pitt allowing you to liberate the slaves of Pittsburgh and Operation: Anchorage sending you "back in time" to relive the freedom of Alaska from Chinese forces, the originality of the content was admirable. Also the maps of Nazi Zombies on CoD: World at War are also very much worth the money, a story generating out it (which I applaud) was what sold it for me but the carnage and fun of the never-ending game mode provides hours of enjoyment.

Now however, every single game released now has DLC ready and some games which were released over a year ago are bringing out content now. Not being rude, but double you tee eff (WTF). I just think game designers + developers need to see we aren't made of money, we can't pay for every single DLC pack on every game and its very annoying for achievement getters when a game we maxed months ago gets 12 new DLC achievements.

Any 360 Gamers out there let me know what you think but if your one of those people that just play Call of Duty 4 and FIFA 09 with a Gamerscore between 500 to 2000 G, don't leave a comment because it'll just be something like "M16 BeAsT! 4 Life - I use JuGGerNauT so What?"

If you want to add me on Xbox LIVE my Gamertag is xJimiHendrix92x

New Generation of Comedy

Due to the shitty weather destroying my tv signals, I have recently been forced to take refuge in Internet TV. Luckily, a few weeks ago, a friend of mine introduced me to a show I heared alot about but never remembered to watch it. This show is called The Inbetweeners. Some of you may now be saying "Oh yeah I watch it all the time" but there may be a fair number of people reading this thinking "Oh yeah I've heard of that but I haven't seen it............yet". Allow me to enlighten you.

It revolves around the central character of William McKenzie, affectionately known by his classmates as "Briefcase Wanker". His dad has left his mum (why, I do not know) and he now has to finish off his education at a normal state comprehensive. Fortunately for him, three pupils befriend him. However at the same time, these three aren't at the top of the popularity tree. Simon, Jay and Neill all welcome Will in to their tiny group, in which they all discuss one dominant topic: Sex. The simple formula of boys trying to shag girls works brilliantly thanks to the performances of the 4 young cast members. The boys all differ slightly in their group and it is well balanced. Also, you can often compare some of your friends to one of the four.

Will provides the narrative and the perspective from which we get the story. He is well mannered and brown-noses the teachers and parents. The insults bounce off him since he's had so much abuse but most of the time brings it on himself, like wearing a tight black vest top which usually buff gay body builders wear. Simon is probably my favourite, the all-rounder of the group. He is nice to girls but enjoys sex like the others and joins in with the dirt talk. However, he is obsessed with trying to get with a girl named Carli, but his romantic gestures often backfire hilariously. Jay is pure dirt, always focusing on girls as fuckable objects and non-stop talks about sex and often insults the others for no reason, either saying he'd fuck Will's mum or how he'd stay away from Neill's dad. He exaggerates his sexual escapades whenever possible which Will often instantly dismisses as bogus. Finally there's Neill, a gentle but confused soul. He is Jay's right hand man and usually follows his lead. Just as sex crazed as the rest, Neill's happy face and child-like mannerisms make him the comic relief.

What I like most about the show, is that these 4 boys have an amazingly bad (and funny) time doing things such as going to London for a night out or going on a field trip to a seaside town but they're not ridiculously farfetched either, so the credibility remains which I think is important.

There are also a few other characters who make an appearence who provide classic moments. Neill's dad (Whose not bent) constantly denies his homosexuality, as does Neill, but then eventually gets called a "Bum-der" by Will after a few drinks. Will's mum (possibly the definition of the word MILF) is often the focal point of the boy's fantasies. Simon's parents (his dad especially) who openly discuss their sexual relations in front of and to him, something that would make us all turn away in disgust, to be honest I'd rather mix electricity and water than parents and sex. Gilbert, the school's headteacher, who doesn't take bullshit from anyone and also doesn't believe in grassing. Donovan, the bully who terrorises the boys every now and then, mostly Will since he somehow stole Charlotte Hingecliff AKA Charlotte Bigjuggs off him. But my favourite of all is Patrice, Simon's french exchange who quickly rises above the boy's popularity levels and even manages to shag Charlotte before Will does, all in one episode. He barely says anything, chain smokes and wears a leather jacket. The man is amazing.

The best thing I think I like about this though is that I feel it's captured our generations sense of humour perfectly. For instance, when Will shouts at some seagulls out of nowhere, or when Jay shoots a flare up in the air when they're only about 50ft away from the harbour in broad daylight, these moments I find for whatever reason amazingly funny. I feel that my parents or anyone over the age of 30 probably wouldn't find The Inbetweeners funny, but I don't think they're supossed to. With our generation there has a evolved a new sense of humour I feel, one which finds some of the most peculiar things just lol worthy.

If you haven't already, check out The Inbetweeners at 4 on Demand where you can watch all episodes of both series.

Final Day Drama Captures Ashes Spirit!

What an advert for test cricket! With the recent surge of Twenty/20 cricket, people were beginning to question how exciting test cricket is in comparison, however, the fifth day at Cardiff proved how nail-biting test cricket is, and how special the Ashes truly are!



At the start of the day England had a decent chance of saving the test match and keeping the series level at nil-nil. All they needed to do was to bat the day out, and with captain Andrew Strauss and Kevin Pieterson at the crease it seemed like a relatively simple job. However, the criticism of Pieterson's first innings dismissal obviously got to the ex-captain as he left a straight one on off-stump and was bowled by Ben Hilfenhaus, dramatically reducing any chances of avoiding defeat. The skipper soon followed as his attempted cut-shot edged behind to Brad Haddin off of Nathan Hauritz's bowling. It seemed like this would belong to Australia.

England's late middle order put up a fight against the Aussie's attack, with Paul Collingwood top scoring with 74 off of an astonishing 344 deliveries. In spite of this strong display from Collingwood, wickets continued to fall around him. Prior displayed a moment of truly terrible batting when he edged one to first slip. Hauritz's second wicket of the innings. Flintoff gave a bit of stability to the batting line-up, lasting 89 balls but went feeling for a ball, wide of off-stump and edging it behind.

With the wickets of Swann and Broad falling, England found themselves in a situation where they were relying on James Anderson and Monty Panesar to see the side home, with a new ball just around the corner. The pace of Siddle was not enough to break through Monty's defence and the introduction of spin gave Anderson a chance to take the lead and knock 10 minutes off of the remaining playing time. This meant that if England could last until 6.40 pm, then defeat would be avoided.

Australia went for spin at both ends in the form of Nathan Hauritz and Marcus North, with the intention of fitting more overs into the remaining minutes. With 5 minutes left and the crowd cheering every dot ball as if it was a six. England's twelfth-man came sprinting onto the pitch with a change of gloves for Anderson. Ponting's face was a portrait of anger and frustration with the blatant attempts of time wasting and the twelfth-man soon left the pitch. A few overs later and the twelfth-man was back on with yet another change of gloves for Anderson, however this time he was being followed by the England physio who walked out, spoke to Panesar and walked off the pitch again. A much needed exchanging of words no doubt!

All this drama and tension set a perfect atmosphere for the final moments of this first test. The clock struck 6.40 pm and after some discussion between the batsmen, Ricky Ponting and the umpires, play ended and England had saved the test match in the most nail-biting finish to an Ashes test since Edgbaston 2005.

Only in an Ashes series will you find that grit and determination to never back down and that 'never say die' spirit. Day five at Cardiff is what the Ashes is all about!

Cantona, Sheringham, Larsson ... Owen?

Throughout his Old Trafford reign, Sir Alex Ferguson has had a habit of bringing in older, seemingly past their best players and reviving their career. The players that stick out are the likes of 'The King' Eric Cantona, Teddy Sheringham and Henrik Larsson, but could Michael Owen join that list? Or will he struggle to compete at the highest level again?


Michael Owen arrives at the club on a free transfer after his contract with Newcastle ran out, ending an injury plagued four seasons with the club. Upon signing he said "It feels great. I never even had it in my wildest dreams", but the big question is whether his injuries are behind him and he is ready to take his place in a top Premiership team and the England team.

Questions were also being asked of Alex Ferguson when he bought the likes of Cantona and Sheringham, but they went on to become two of the best strikers in the club's history. Cantona went on to help United win the Premier League and the FA Cup on more than one occasion. As for Sheringham, well he scored one of the most important goals in the club's history, a last minute equalizer to set up a dramatic treble victory in the '99 Champions League final.

Now Owen has a chance to prove all of his critics wrong. There is no doubting that he is one of the best finishers in Europe, and what he has lost in pace he has gained in experience and intelligence. However, his injuries still cast over him and raise questions about his ability to perform consistently. We wont know until the season starts but he possesses one thing that can't be lost, a true striker's instinct.

RIP Michael Jackson 1958 - 2009

I was playing an intense game of CoD World at War Nazi Zombies with my friends online. The storms outside made the atmosphere even more intense. Lightning flashing and the thunder shouting was epic. However, the happy mood of my friends and I blocked out the dark world around us. I then heard a knock at my door, my auntie poked her head round and simply said "Michael Jackson has died". I went hollow.

It took me some time to process the information. My initial reaction was denial. I thought "No this can't be right". But after frantically rushing to the nearest news channel it was clear that the King of Pop had passed away. I post this article as a mere tribute to him, a tribute that is just one among many that have been created by a world in mourning. Facebook groups created, people buying his merchandise, radio stations playing his songs pretty much 24/7 - Everybody feels some sense of loss.

Now I understand that there were various controversial issues involving his personal life, accusations of child molestation, acts with his own children etc. You either take two views on this: You either understand that everyone is human, makes mistakes and see that clearly the man was confused thanks to his own abusive childhood which was stolen from him - or you make just out of order jokes and repeat the words "Pedo Pedo Pedo, Pedo with white glove" which I'm sure at least one asshole will leave on the comments section. If you do the latter I think you are incredibly narrow minded and you possibly have no shame (In short, you are Paris Hilton).

Remember him for his musical genius. Remember his incredible live performances. Remember his unique dance moves. Don't tell me you never tried to Moonwalk - we all have. All I can really say is that he will be sorely missed, from the Moonwalking of Billie Jean, the ABCs of the Jackson 5 to the scary video of Thriller, I think we all miss MJ, May He Rest In Peace.

Banksy vs Bristol Museum

Upon entering Bristol Museum, after a large but fast-moving queue, I was greeted by a vandalised ice-cream truck and a happy policeman riding a rocking horse to and fro. All of which gave me the sense that I was in for one of the first museum trips that I could honestly say was enjoyable!

The first floor is Banksy dominated and split into two main sections. One section consisting of canvas-based artworks, and the other featuring caged, 3-D items.

The canvas-based section questions modern society (as is Banksy's style), and picks up on particular topics such as the police force and modern politicians. Often challenging the stereotype of the police being "tough" by presenting them in varying situations, such as running through a meadow holding hands, or (as seen above) riding a children's play-park ride. What was most memorable and eye-catching for me was the wall-sized portrait of the House of Parliament. In which all politicians were replaced with monkeys (rather fittingly), obviously picking up on certain outrages stories that I shan't mention now.

The second section was very surreal. Monkeys painting, caged families of hot-dogs and swimming fish fingers. Very surreal indeed. Once again, these were not just random pieces of art that Banksy created for the purpose of humour. They all expressed strong messages about modern society and all of it's faults. It made me think of social issues that I have never put a great deal of thought into before. Issues such as animal testing, displayed visually through a Rabbit applying make-up in front of a bathroom mirror (see right). These thought provoking tendencies were a running theme throughout the exhibit.

That wasn't the end of the Banksy fun. Far from it. The rest of the museum was littered with examples of Banky's work, whether it was a clever adaption to another artist's work or the odd rubber sex-toy (that's correct, rubber sex-toy!). Not his most thought provoking piece of art but humorous non-the-less.


As a keen Banksy fan, I could not pass up the opportunity to see an exhibit displaying the graffiti artist's genius, and it was far more than I could have expected. As I was leaving, taking it all in one last time, I noticed the guest book. Words could not express how much I enjoyed my visit. I simply wrote, "Awesome".

Screamers aren't funny

I was recently roaming YouTube, probably one of my most viewed sites ever in the history of the internet (along with Facebook), searching for live performances by Jimi Hendrix, songs on Guitar Hero on Expert 100% or funny things that make me laugh like Scrubs or WWE moments. I typed in to search Float On by Modest Mouse. I eventually found a good quality version on my phone by some weird guy who had made a video containing the lyrics and some very, very dire animations to accompany these words. Anyway, I allowed the video to play, whacked the phone in my pocket and continued playing on my Xbox 360 (Best Console Ever - Bar the N64).

Then, as I was merrily killing my enemies, an almighty scream which lasted over 9 seconds blared out into my eardrums, sending a ripple through my body. The song then continued on but with me mortified.

I would like to make this clear as of now. Screamers are not funny. They never were and they never wil be. They are made by people who clearly have nothing decent to put on YouTube so they just want to ruin the reputation of the site. Stop making Screamers. STOP IT NOW!

The End of a Silver-Coated Era

It's finally over. More than 12 months of speculation have come to an end with Manchester United accepting an enormous sum of £80 million for Cristiano Ronaldo. This signing follows the recent acquisition of Kaka from AC Milan to Real Madrid and SkySports Spanish correspondent, Guillem Balague, believes that they are not finished yet and David Villa is next on their shopping list.

The United number 7 has had a long career at the club, arriving from Sporting Lisbon in August 2003 for a fee of approximately £12.24 million. His time at Man United hasn't always been filled with goals-galore and Ballon d'Or awards, in his first season he recorded 6 goals from his 40 appearances, and it wasn't until the 2005/06 season that he reached double figures. The end of that season saw the World Cup in which Portugal knocked-out England and the Portuguese winger seemed to have fell out with Wayne Rooney. This sparked rumours that Ronaldo would not return to Manchester, out of fear that he would be greeted with hostility. Despite the speculation, Cristiano returned to a warm welcome at the club and all thoughts of Wayne Rooney not being happy in the same team as Ronaldo were threw out of the window as the two formed a fantastic partnership which saw the United number 7 score 23 goals which contributed to the club's triumph in the league.

The best was still to come for Cristiano as the following season saw him named as Portugal's captain and his club winning the league and the Champions League double, with him scoring an outstanding 42 goals in 49 games. This brilliant achievement earned Ronaldo the Ballon d'Or, making him one of the few players in Manchester United's history to achieve this great award.

Cristiano Ronaldo is truly one of the greats in the history of the club, and his contributions over the years will not be forgotten. No man is irreplaceable, and no one is bigger than the club, however this is one man that will cause difficulty when searching for his replacement. Here is a tribute to one of the best players in the Premier League's history.....



Now the United fans must bid farewell to their Portuguese prince. However, as many fans will tell you, exciting times are ahead.

iRack

I'm sure you will agree with me when I say that the whole situation with Iraq has become a bit of a joke. It's not getting any better over there, yet British and American troops keep getting plowed in like herds of Sheep!

We are massive fans of comedy here at The New Wave, and American based comedy show Mad TV have supplied a light-hearted take on the situation in Iraq. I give you ... the iRack!



Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did!

WTF?

Possibly the freakiest music video I've seen in my life. MGMT never cease to surprise it seems, I don't know which is more scary, the demons and monsters goggling at the toddler or the look of pure terror on his face.



Who needs Sesame Street when you have these guys?

Heart Warming

If the stress of exams is getting you down, there is simply one answer.

Please watch this:




Life is good again...

The Master of Puppets Have Returned!

I am, of course talking about the new Guitar Hero Metallica game. Upon turning it on you hear the legend that is James Hetfield (the lead singer of Metallica) scream the words "Metallica, is here!!" and at that point it hit me that I wasn't just playing a game, I was being given a chance to fulfill my dream of playing on stage with Metallica. Yes, I realise that I'm not actually playing on stage with Metallica but it's the closest I'll ever come!

As this is a branch off game from Guitar Hero World Tour, the features do not differ to any great extent. You still have the options of 'career', 'quickplay', 'rock star creator', etc. After accessing the quickplay option with anticipation I was speechless to see the endless list of awesome metal-tracks, My Apocalypse, Enter Sandman, One, Cyanide. I couldn't believe it! I was pleasantly surprised to see not only Metallica songs, but Toxicity by System Of A Down, Tuesday's Gone by the legendary Lynyrd Skynyrd and many many more.

Moving on to the career mode and I am glad to tell you that it is much more reminiscent of the Guitar Hero 3 story. You play songs individually and no longer in sets of 4, 5 or 6, and there seems to be more of a story line within the game, unlike Guitar Hero World Tour where you just played gigs with no real plot. I don't want to reveal too much about the story but I was pleased to see a return of the daemon manager from Guitar Hero 3.

I have often complained that Guitar Hero games of the past have featured too many bands that don't deserve to be placed under the banner of 'Guitar Hero', R.E.M being one of those bands. However, this problem is not evident in Guitar Hero Metallica, and that makes this game the best Guitar Hero game I have ever played.

Slow Posting

We would like to apologise for the lack of articles that may occur over study leave. The exams are piling on and as a result of this, we will not be able to post articles at the epic rate that we have been of late.

Good luck with your exams.

We will be back to our sexy best very soon!

Talking TV - 03

...Nauseatingly needless,

...Critically crunching,

...An arrogant analysis

(right...that's enough, ^suggestions on a postcard please)

• It's come to my attention my last two blarticles (yes I went there, blog+article) have been rather rantastic (rant +fanta...you got it) thus swaying my thoughts to write something a bit more positive. I thought I'd give it a go. A problems occurs when I start to think of things on television that I actually enjoy, but none the less I decided on two.

Drama : THE WIRE

The Wire is an American drama series which revolves around the city, culture and people of Baltimore. The series was written and produced by a former Baltimore pollice officer, David Simon. To say this is a just another police drama is a stonking under-statement, The Wire is the best thing to come out of American television in my lifetime, topped only by DEADWOOD. I have a theory about this, being that some of the big roles such as the part of Jimmy McNaulty, a witty Irish-American detective, or Stringer Bell, intelligent buisness man who happens to be the brains behind the biggest drug gang in Baltimore are both played by British actors, Dominic West and Idris Elba respectfully. The vast cast and shocking realism of The Wire fully initiates the viewer into the story, I bought the season 1 boxset and ploughed through the 13 hour exstravaganza in a few very very late nights. I cannot stress enough the genius of The Wire, if guns, swearing, witty one-liners, complex plot lines and memorable characters are something you are craving from your telebox then switch off Britain Has Got Alot of Idoits or whatever it's called, and march yourself to somewhere you can purchase The Wire, crack out the red bull, stay up until you can hear your alarm going off in your room and do no revision. Alternatively the first season of The Wire is starting/started on BBC 2. The only reason The Wire hasn't been giving it's just amount of praise is down to the fact the majorirty of the cast are black, a great disgrace against the production of fantastic television.

I wonder if the size of image I use will be interperated as how strongly I recomend The Wire, let's see.

Comedy : FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS

Unlike The Wire I feel I don't need to encourage the addition of Flight of The Conchords to reader's "Favourite TV Shows" section on their undoubtly existing facebook profiles as much . It basically comes down to two factors, do you like the dead-pan brilliance of Peep Show? Do you like the awkward musical numbers in The Mighty Boosh? if you answered "yes" to both of these questions then Flight of The Conchords it's most certainly for you. The show itself is written so very well, the timing and on screen presence of Bret McKenzie and Jermaine Clement is truely spectacular and in my opinion is everything I enjoy from The Mighty Boosh without the pretentious overtones. If unsure about this show, get on youtube and watch some of their live stuff, it's to be marvelled at. it'll make you love New Zealand. Fact.

GET ON MY TELEBOX!

• Total Wipeout US and UK - People falling over, but glad to just be on the telebox, brilliant, keep the cretins coming is what I say.
  

• Compare The Meerkat - Whoever came up with this needs to be given a medal, the MERE manipulation of language is just so admirable, as for the 3D meerkat...words cannot describe it, well they can. but I'm tired now.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel a bit sick from all the positivity in this blarticle (the more you read it the more you love it, right? right.) so I'm drawing it to a close, see you next week, where I will be discusing MP's Expenses and the EU.




not really. relax.

The Plastic Seat Company Take Their Talents To The Streets

As many of you know, here at The New Wave we love new talent. We've introduced you all to up and coming bands like Ascari and Oceans Between Us, and now one of my personal favourites, The Plastic Seat Company, have caught my eye once again with their live street performance.

The welsh based comedy group are always looking for weird and wacky ways to grab the public's attention and the latest attempt can only be described as 'genius'. The location? Cardiff. The purpose? To disturb! Here it is, enjoy!

Hope that tickled your funny button as much as it did mine! Remember, The New Wave is the only place you can view 100% raw talent!

Blood, Guts and Little Girls - Its F.E.A.R 2

Little Girls are officially much scarier than anything. I never played the first F.E.A.R or F.E.A.R Files but I was very aware of the main antagonist, namely Alma. A creepy little girl who is very much like the girl from the movie The Ring. I was also very worried when I found out that the developers that made F.E.A.R 2 also made the Condemned games. I was already scared I hadn't even put the disc in the tray.



F.E.A.R 2 is a First Person Shooter that revolves around Sgt. Michael Becket, a Soldier in the First Encounter Assault Recon (F.E.A.R) Squad who is sent in to arrest a woman named Genivive Artiside, who is responsible for something called Project Harbinger. Harbinger is a programme involving turning soldiers in puppets who are controlled telepathically from a Psychic Commando (intense stuff ain't it?). Anyway, you play the guy who didn't get all mentally messed up by getting exposed to all the psychosis stuff whereas all your pals freaked out and couldn't take it. Now I didn't fully understand the story, so I'm probably going to have to Wikipedia it and find out what happened in the first game but until then I'll put it as simply I as I think I can: This psycho woman Alma is hunting you down because you're a threat to her, you have to get to this device to "amplify your brainwaves and cause her's to overload". Now that's the story taken care of, I can tell you what I thought.



F.E.A.R 2 is pretty good shoot 'em up fun. Progressively getting harder, enemies getting tougher, more powerful weapons becoming available etc. The story is a bit hard to follow but I think it would make more sense if you played the first game (I didn't as I was put off by the Achievements). There is a very spooky, dark atmosphere about the game, even outside in the lighter areas you still walk around corners cautiously with your gun at the ready. A lack of music when playing really helps the tension as every little sound makes you turn around behind you to make sure "she" isn't there. A nice touch is that you can carry 4 weapons of any power e.g. You could have a Flamethrower, Rocket Launcher, Assault Rifle and a Sniper, and 4 Grenade Types, so explosive fun times. You even get to roam around in a mini Mech Suit, Transformers Style, and blow things and no Mo Fo can stop you. Every boy's dream. You also enter a Bullet Time Slow Motion mode and take out loads of enemies quick as a flash without getting hit but it is limited (obviously).



It's a pretty solid campaign with 14 Missions of pure ruin ur boxers moments, intense gunfights and general FPS fun. I think the horrible thing is that there are small moments, where bodies get dragged into a room and then disappear or a light falls down from the ceiling. Nothing threatening happens but you know something sooner or later is going hit you.

All in all, I would recommend this game. As long as you don't mind creepy.....creepy little girls.

Where Is Our Arena !?!

In December 2007, plans to build a 10,000-seat arena in Bristol were, sadly abandoned. The reasons for this injustice were that the ever growing costs to develop an arena in the area could not be fully justified if publicly funded. At the time of abandonment the predicted costs for development were roughly reaching the £86 million marker, which I will agree is slightly more than a weeks pocket money!

However, I know I am not alone when I say that an arena is EXACTLY what Bristol needs! It would be an understatement if I said that having to travel to Cardiff or London to see any "mainstream" bands like Escape The Fate, Fall Out Boy or any other band. Only naive, money short bands dare perform at the, less than glamorous O2 Academy (formerly Carling Academy). Largely due to the stench of stale beer and the overwhelming scent of sweat, we have been very lucky to see the likes of Angels and Airwaves, Lilly Allen and MGMT perform at the Bristol Academy.

Sadly there seems to be no chance of a venue to be proud of being built within Bristol anytime soon due to the millions that were emptied into the construction and development of Cabot Circus.

Artist's impression of proposed structure

Obviously what Bristol has needed this whole time is two shopping centres and not an arena....obviously!

What Happened to Normal Cartoons?

Now I'm not as good a conisseur of cartoons as I used to be, but I have several younger brothers and sisters that, when looking after them, I watch the cartoons and stuff with them. As I sit there staring at Dora the Explorer who is teaching kids Spanish before they speak English, I couldn't help thinking, why can't they just watch cartoons? They're kids for fuck sake! Let them just watch a cat chasing a mouse through a house while a rather large, faceless black housewife shouts at "Thomas!" (which now thinking back to it, was quite racist).

Sadly, my brothers have fallen victim to one of the most annoying and draining epidemics on Television, no, not Goldenballs, its the poor standard of programming on the Disney Channel. Good. Lord. Is there no cheesier form of programming in the history of human kind? The Suite Life of Zac and Cody, Camp Rock, Sleepover Club. These children don't deserve this kind of torture. No one does. I enjoyed my childhood viewing. Johnny Bravo, the inappropriate blonde haired "Ladies Man", Ed, Edd and Eddy, three guys who did anything for money and jawbreakers...and the piece de resistance, Wacky Racers!

There were a few cartoons and shows I didn't like as a kid but I just used to watch it because it made me laugh. I don't want to learn all the state capitals and sing along to songs about Brazil, learning, was for school! That was the purpose of school. With the shows of today, kids will be taught from Home by Diego and Mickey Mouse. I just wanted a show about a boy who had a secret laboratory behind his bookcase. Is it too much to ask?

Bring back the good cartoons - Dexter's Laboratory, Wacky Racers, Secret Agent Squirrel, Ed, Edd and Eddy, Top Cat and of course, Hong Kong Phooey, who may I add is the Number One, Super Guy.

Like a Broken Piece of Record, I'll Repeat All of My Plea......

In need of awesome lyrics, catchy guitar riffs, all of which wrapped up in a bundle of cool? Then look no further than the outstanding 'Racing Kites'!

These guys have graced my iPod for no longer than a few months now and they have shot right up my play count and are now up there with the likes of Angels and Airwaves, You Me At Six and Metallica. To call Racing Kites talented is an understatement of epic proportion!

Their long-standing friendship and self stated passion for music is what fuses this band together to craft a mix of rock, pop and punk. The 5-piece rock band from New Jersey never fail to brighten my day and put a smile across my face!

Their debut album 'We Hold It All Together' was released in 2006 and became an instant classic, with awesome songs such as 'Hands Against The Sky' and 'Restless' I struggle to take the band off repeat. The album also includes ear rocking songs such as 'Is This Love', 'Dreamers And Believers' and 'Your Favourite Last Night Song'.

2008 saw the release of the band's second album, 'Be My Runaway', and it seemed that the guys from New Jersey had created another epic piece of musical craftsmanship. The second album found a way to be even more cool than the first one. Not an easy task! The most outstanding songs being 'All Night Is Alright' and 'My Everything', both of which make it hard for me to even begin to think about listening to anything else. I'd feel like I'm cheating on my beloved Racing Kites!

These guys are the ambassadors of all that is awesome and you'd be a fool not to give your ears a treat and check them out.

Click HERE to experience truly great music!

Talking TV - 02

...An analytical asskicking,

...A sarcastic suckerpunch,

...An apathetic......whatever...


(right...that's enough.)

I've gotta keep it short this week, recession buget cutbacks... wait, what do you mean next week I'll have to scribe my blog into a slab of stone with a toothpick?

Huh?

This week I'm just gonna share some opinions that I have, they're my opinions...opinions.

GET OFF MY TELEBOX!

• Sports commentators - "He's litterally on fire!" - No he's not you idiot. My brain has litterally exploded from listening to sports commentators just babble out a load of non-sense over and over. It's not just football commentators either, rugby, mountain biking and even table tennis too. (I've been doing my homework, scanning through all 999 of Sky's channels looking for the ridiculant) There's got to be an end to the exageration! I propose we make a facebook group called "IF 1M PEOPLE JOIN I WILL SHOOT JOHN MOTSON!". If you have noticed the use of hypocrisy for comic effect in this paragraph, then well done you...*sigh*
  

• Two and a Half Men - Not funny and never will be, the writing makes me want to tear my ears out and the acting is cringe-worthy. At first the show had some potential, maybe, but after a season or two, a womaniser, a loser and a fat kid living together, the jokes just ran dry. To the writers of Two and a Half men: you're spent. Glad that's sorted.
  

• Adverts for car/house/pet/life insurance using charming acoustic songs dripping with folky melodies. I hate you. you make me look forward to your adverts you evil advert boffins! I have not the energy to go find examples on youtube but you know the ones I mean. Lloyds TSB started it with this THIS.
  

and finally...

Jasper Carrott, you ABSOLUTE CRETIN, get off my telebox!

Just thought I'd leave a little gap to let that settle in... Brilliant. Until next Tuesday evening/Wednesday morning, bye.

Liverpool's Back Four Concern

Although their name gets thrown in to the Premier League Title Race Raffle every year, they always seem to be the outside option, they're either not consistent enough, have some wretched injuries or just end up having plain bad luck. I am refering to Liverpool of course.



Despite their potent strike force, solid midfield and probably the best captain (and possibly some would argue best player in the Premiership) behind them, they have still never been able to get their hands on the one trophy that all Liverpool fans, players and coaching staff all want: The Title. I think this may be due to the fact that they do not have a solid back four. Granted they do have Jamie Carragher, a player who is as good as his voice is annoying, and Martin Skirtel, a man who looks like he has escaped from a Romanian jail, they don't play together on a regular basis. You could pin this lack of partnership on Rafael Benitez, who enjoys swapping his team around and keeping things fresh but I don't believe it does any good for the defenders as understanding and experience of playing together, game in game out, is the only way for defenders to gel together.



Hopefully after all the boardroom disputes have been settled and everything has become calm behind the scenes at Anfield, Benitez will be able to take a good long look at his team and assess the strengths and weaknesses. I think their midfield is solid, Gerrard can and would play pretty much anywhere on the pitch as long as he gets to wear a Liverpool jersey, Riera and Babel offer width and pace to the team down the wings and Torres can take care of things in the box with Kuyt chipping in with a few goals here and there. I just think Carragher needs a solid partner, maybe Phillip Mexes from AS Roma or Rafael Marquez from Barcelona. Arebola and Aureillio seem to lack the quality needed for a such a big club, meeting the criteria of a squad player but not a first teamer.



Hopefully I haven't been to harsh on the red half of Merseyside. Yes I am a Man Utd fan and yes I do hate them but there's no denying they are a very good team and could beat anyone on their day. I hate them but I respect them.

A Dose of Reality

Britain's Got Talent, Britain's Got More Talent, X-Factor, American Idol, Big Brother, I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! Where the hell has all the decent TV gone?

When I tune in, I usually stick to the same channels and watch more or less the same type of shows. I mostly watch American sitcoms and Sky Sports, watching Manchester United wining and Liverpool losing, or coming home early at 12.10 and catching Scrubs, which has provided me with many hilarious quotes to exchange with my fellow blogger and good friend, Sam Cook. I'm love laughing and reflect that in my shows, Flight of the Conchords, Family Guy, Only Fools and Horses but NOT King of Queens. However, reality shows have become like a television Starbucks, they're everywhere and taking out the smaller shows as they conquerer our screens.

Britain's Got Talent is a showcase for all the weirdos in Britain to come crawling out of their mother's basements, and either doing some shitty magic act or dressing up as woman and singing "I Will Survive" (Damn Gloria Gaynor). To be honest, I have no idea why grown men would choose Lilly Savage or Edna Everage as a role model. I will hold my hands up and say I watch The X-Factor in the opening stages where all the crap and disillusioned people make asses of themselves, because it's painfully funny. Watching a middle class 18 year old Birmingham single mother with nine kids telling Simon Cowell she'll be the next Mariah Carey just tickles my pickle...

Im a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! annoys the shiz out of me. Reason One: The title of the show is false advertising by using the word "celebrity". I guarantee you, your mother or father (if you are below 17/18) will say "Oh I remember her! She slept with some guy from Grange Hill" or "Yeah didn't he used to be the ugly guy in East 17?" or something along those lines.

I can handle watching Soaps like Hollyoaks or Eastenders (Phil's an alcoholic. Again!) but mainly because it gives verbal ammunition when chatting to girls. I would enjoy the abolishment of these shows, having them replaced with something - anything. I just think the TV writers have given up and companies have found a way to exploit the idiots of the country whilst people at home phone in and give money to ITV and the like, effectively saying "I wish to see more of these idiots. I would like more idiots of this calibre please, quench my idiot thirst".

My message as TV Messiah is simple: Watch Scrubs, Two and a Half Men and Gillette Soccer Saturday!

Barton: Enough is Enough

The football week just gone was a positive one for myself as a Manchester United fan, we took another step towards the Premiership Title and gave ourselves an advantage in our Champions League 2nd Leg tie against Arsenal this week. Unfortunately Liverpool also triumphed over Newcastle, sending a much loved Northern team closer to the Coca Cola Championship.

However, although that game for Liverpool fans would have left smiles on their faces regarding the win, I would imagine they would be rather concerned and annoyed at Joey Barton, who maliciously took down Xabi Alonso, who was consequently stretchered off. Many pundits and fans alike praise Barton's ability as a footballer, which I too would agree with, he is a talented football player. However, I believe that he should stop be giving chances by the FA and be banned from football.

Well ok, maybe not banned for life but I think the FA should certainly just stop handing out these temporary bans, slaps on the wrist and feather across the knuckles. Barton has made several contentious tackles and outbursts in the past and has been given the same punishment over and over again. I think the FA need to take much more serious action about calming down this ex-convict and putting him in his place and let him know he can't just brake people's legs left, right and centre!

Even though I am a Man Utd fan and obviously have much higher than average hatred of Liverpool FC, I never like to see a footballer get badly injured. I felt queezy at the sight of Eduaro's leg getting violated and today was another "look-away" moment when Alonso was mauled by Barton. I know some Newcastle fans may come back with "Sam, you can't say Barton should be banned when Roy Keane was a much dirtier player". Well, to them I say, there's a difference. Keane was good. Roy Keane has also never spent time behind bars and provided hours of footballing entertainment.

Joey Barton is nothing but a mere spoilt little boy who, whenever he gets frustrated and his team starts losing, loses his rag and lashes out at footballers with some actual talent and skill. One things for sure: Boys got issues....

Ronaldo: Here Today, Galactico Tomorrow?

Ask most Manchester United fans and they will probably tell you that they're favourite player is Cristiano Ronaldo. It's inevitable. The 23-year old Midfielder has blossomed into one of the most talented footballers on the planet, along with Lionel Messi, Kaka and Ronaldinho (even though the latter has more or less disappeared off of the footballing radar).



However, no matter how well our No. 7 plays, during the closing months of the season we can already smell the paella and hear the marchas over the horizon as Real Madrid make their periodic transfer market bid for the Portguese Winger. I'm can't speak for all fans but I just can't see Ronaldo sticking around in the drery Salford area when he could be making a bid for the La Liga title in sunny Madrid.



I believe that the temptation of becoming a Galactico will be too much for Ronaldo to resist. Personally, I wouldn't be surprised if he packed up his boots and headed for the Bernabeau, since he has won every trophy possible in England and done everything he can in a Man Utd Shirt. Ferguson has pulled out a diamond in the rough to replace Beckham, and now it is time for Ronaldo to spread his wings. Don't get me wrong, I want Ronaldo to sign a contract for life and become the new George Best (Bar the domestic violence and drinking).


In short, I believe that the Manchester United era of Cristiano Ronaldo's career will be coming to a close in the near future. The bright lights of the Bernabeau will soon be the home to the Portugese Hotstepper and Old Trafford will be a mere memory, with the chants of Ronaldo's name echoing through the tunnels, changing rooms....and the oh so full up Trophy Cabinet.

Talking TV - 01

...A satyrical sidesweep,
...A pedantic powerpunch,
...A misanthropic mish-mash

(right...that's enough)

• So the last few days have showed us that the NEWS GODS* are experts in the trade of scare mongering, and for what it's worth I think they just like saying it...mongering.

BLUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!

This week there was a heafty mishap involving the US presidential plane Air Force One flying over New Jersey and New York City so that some burke in a US military fighter jet could pocket some snaps of the plane looking glamourous and shaking it's money maker around the sights of New York state. No doubt the photos will be used in some AWESOME posters campaign, but the question on everyone's lips is when will Air Force One, or AF1 as she'll later be known, be releasing her own compilation book of saucy flying-mobile pin-ups and subsequent debut single...well maybe it's not on everyone's lips...probably just mine?


The best part about this story is the total over-reaction from the news stations, the BBC went with "Video captures NY jet terror"! dropping the "T" word is a surefire way to scare some ignorant news-fearing folk here across the pond into thinking something serious has actually happened when in reality the majority of us really couldn't care less if some special plane flies over some place in the US, get it off my tele! To be fair to the people featured in the video (availiable on the BBC news website) the idiots who planned this outing decided not to tell anyone their intentions, not even the mayor or New York. Another hilarious over-reaction to a ridiculous event by Britian's news coverage boffins who love broadcasting American news as if it's our own, we know nothing exciting happens that often in the UK, please just cut to the weather so I can plan my day! Rawrgh!

President Barack Obama was reported as being "FURIOUS!"

...oh the evidence is clear.

Until the next time I can find something of worth to shout about, goodbye, possibly Swine Flu, Hollyoaks, Jeremy Kyle or GMTV on the whole, who knows, not me.

*Hugh Edwards anyone? what a guy...

The Mae Shi

If anyone's in need of a new music fix then look no further than these guys...

The Mae Shi are a four piece experimental punk band hailing from sunny California, whose mix of Indie, Punk and anthemic tunes combine to make one intriguing band, and one only look on their Myspace profile playlist to see why.


Run to Your Grave is that song you heard on the radio a while back but have never been able to find since. With a shouty, upbeat chorus and simple arrangement, it's a definite contender for Song of the Year (so far).


The Lamb and the Lion, which you might recognise as the song from a Skins advert, is also one to listen out for. The Tetris like guitar riff at the start hypnotises, before the very Yeah Yeah Yeahs-esque bridge entices with it's psychedelic charm, making this track very groovy indeed.


If you're into the heavier stuff however, then Vampire Beats is bound to be more your cup of tea. With an altogether more edgy vibe, the short but not so sweet track demonstrates just how intense 90 seconds can be. And if you're really up for chillaxing to something ambient, there's a rather epic extended version of The Lion and the Lamb. At 11 minutes, Kingdom Come is a very mellow synth track that drifts in and out of a slightly surreal James Bond theme.


Tetris? Skins? James Bond?
Told you they were intriguing.


It may only be April but, seeing as the sun's made it's debut appearance in the South this year, I think it's not too early to say that this band will be definite summer BBQ/festival material.


www.myspace.com/themaeshi

Wembley Has No Heart

After years of anticipation, hope and £798 million pounds, the new Wembley Stadium was built. The new 'Home of Football'. The new Wembley opened in 2007 and you could sense the overwhelming pride this structure had reinstalled into the nation, no longer would the England team have to 'borrow' the Millenium Stadium for their home matches. However, it is missing something. Despite the innovative structural design and the 90,000 capacity, it lacks heart.

The original Wembley truly was 'The Home of Football', it had passion, it had pride. It was a stadium that every young lad dreamed of playing, whether you were English, Chinese, Jamaican. Everyone wanted to tell their grandchildren 'I played at Wembley'. However, for some reason I don't get the feeling that the new Wembley has the same world wide status.

Wembley's problems are of vast quantity. The pitch is of a terrible standard, the prices are massively over priced and the sting of playing at Wembley has been taken out by scheduling the FA Cup semi-finals there for the next 30 years.
Most stadiums are built around the pitch, but Wembley have done it the other way around. It's almost as if they built the stadium and the day before it being unveiled then realised, 'Wait, aren't we supposed to have a pitch in the middle of all these seats?' It is simply not good enough.

The FA have simply built a stadium that could be confused with any other high capacity around Europe and they are trying to squeeze every penny out of the fans who travel all the way to watch a match that is ruined by a pitch that cuts up under-foot and £10 Cheese Burgers.

Easter Break

We are taking a short break to eat our body weight in chocolate, but we shall soon be back to pump articles into every orifice of your body!

'Shear' nonsense!

It has finally happened! The 3rd messiah has arrived at Newcastle United, Alan Shearer. This appointment was speculated not too long ago when Kevin Keegan left after his second, unsuccessful, stint at St James' Park and Alan Shearer was tipped as one of the favourites to take the job. In spite of the speculation the 'toon' hero was not hired, instead they appointed ex-Wimbledon manager Joe Kinnear.

However, after requiring heart surgery in February, Joe Kinnear has been forced to step down as manager. This tragic turn of events has resulted in Alan Shearer answering Mike Ashley's distress call and accept the temporary job at Newcastle United.

As a player, Alan Shearer is regarded as one of the Newcastle greats. In 1996 he was bought for a world record fee of £15 million and went on to make 404 appearances, scoring 206 goals. His career with Newcastle was a constant struggle for success, the closest he came to the Premier League title was 2nd place in the 1996-97 season. He also has two FA Cup runners up medals, one in 1998 and the other coming from the 1999 final.

Despite his legendary status at Newcastle United, his appointment comes across as 'wishful thinking' and the hopeful creations of a fairy tale story. His side had a tough first game against Chelsea where they were never expected to gain a result, but i feel that result will become a repeated pattern for Alan's reign as 'gaffer'. He has acquired the services of Ian Dowie who has a record as an unsuccessful manager with a lot of teams and I feel Newcastle will not break this record.

The club are currently sitting in the relegation zone at 18th place and I can only see this position deteriorating with an inexperienced local boy at the helm.

Disclaimer

It has been brought to our attention that recent articles have been deemed offensive and all of us here at The New Wave would like to apologise.

This is a student blog written and edited by students only; no staff or teachers are responsible for the content published.
The New Wave does not write to offend. If for any reason you are offended by any of our material then we, the student editors, will be happy to handle your complaints.

brendansblog@hotmail.co.uk

The Talent Is Out There ...

I don't know about you but I gain no greater satisfaction than when I discover new talent that has never been heard of before. It's like a drug running through my veins and I just can't get enough of it!

Recently, my addiction was was quenched as three groups caught my eye, "groove rock" band 'Ascari', diverse comedy group 'The Plastic Seat Company' and metal band 'Oceans Between Us'. All three packed with raw talent and destined for the big time!

www.myspace.com/plasticseatcompany

I will admit now that I had a slight advantage in discovering The Plastic Seat Company, as one of the members is my older brother. So it would have been hard for me not to have taken notice of them but, by my own choice, I am a huge fan and have followed them from their first ever gig, right through to their successful, nationwide 'Orgasmic Thrust Tour'. However, you may think I have a biased opinion but they are truly ones to look out for in the future. The welsh based comedy group combine parody skits, slapstick performances and individual moments of exuberance to send their audience into a state of heart warming obedience!

www.myspace.com/ascariband

Ascari and Oceans Between Us were also brought to my attention through another close connection and I am already a huge fan of the two bands. Ascari supply a 'feel good factor' to my, heavy metal based, iTunes library and would be best described as the love child spawned from a one night stand between Rock and Funk creating, what they call, "Groove Rock". Their main hit, 'Just Try It Sunshine', has become my soundtrack to 2009 along with some of their other tracks such as, "Not a Care In The World" and "Don't Change".

www.myspace.com/oceansbetweenusuk

Finally we have Oceans Between Us, a band for the true fans of Metal, currently with only one song but what a song! "The Tempest" will have you head-banging and mosh-pitting all night long as it has done for me ever since it made sweet love to my ears just a few weeks ago. I would recommend Oceans Between us to anyone with a vague interest in Rock or Metal as it will blow your mind! I advice those who do not fit into this category to stay clear of the band as they are not for the faint-hearted!

this has to be the coolest site..

scanwiches.com

grab a scanner. throw your lunch inside= scanwiches

it'll make you want to scan all kinds of crap..

and raid your fridge.

simultaneously.

the new wave has a new look

the blog has had an image overhaul..

this of it as that makeover montage scene from your typical blockbuster

some sweating and pumping at the gym.

the reading of self help books.

quitting smoking.

a new haircut and a new wardrobe.

well, it deserved it.

let us know what you think!